Loraine (:

负担

2012-02-13T22:39:00.001+08:00

泪流满面, 连无辜的小熊也湿了...
真没用...

Beyond My Control

2012-02-13T22:08:00.002+08:00

Bye..?
In my thinking, 'bye' was always a word to tell someone, there is nothing more to say. To tell someone I am tired of speaking to you.
被人耍, 被人利用, 我又能做什么呢?

不能哭。。。

Useless

2012-02-12T15:51:00.004+08:00

What else do I know to do?
Unable to help anyone. Unable to help myself. Cant do my homework. Cant finish a simple task. Cant do a simple picture description. Cant cheer people up. Cant shoot a proper hoop. Cant tell how people are feeling. Everything I cant do. Just useless and ridiculous and unreasonable.

Questions Left Unanswered

2012-02-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

What happens when you make a promise you cant keep? What if you are never able to help someone you should? What if you dont know how to help someone? What if there is nothing you can do? What if someday someone you love leaves you? What if they were caught in a car accident?

Worried.

2012-02-05T21:23:00.001+08:00

I'm worried for you, about you.
Seems like there are things you dont really want to tell me. Maybe I'm thinking too much. I'm not too sure.

Our Song

2012-01-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

Dont Know How To Stop Thinking About You

Relationships

2012-01-25T23:45:00.002+08:00

Relationships have become a problem.
Doesnt matter if it is friendships, family ties or plain relationships. They're all a problem. I dont like it when people think I know everything about someone else. I dont like it when just because I am close to someone I have to be put together with them. I dont like that just because I like someone, something has to happen to make me think twice, thrice, many many times. Just because of the tears that falls. Why must things be this way? Can't I enjoy all the happy moments forever? Oh, yah, right, forever maybe dont exist..
I'll always end up crying.

Expectation

2012-01-17T23:50:00.003+08:00

I dont know how to begin writing.
In my head, all the words i want to say is thrown into a sea, all jumbled up, uncomprehendable. Sometimes, people seem to expect so much from me. I'm uncapable of such high expectations. I crumble and fall. All the expectations thrown and me drowns me. I can't be a perfect person for anyone. I cant answer for everything I've done right after doing them. I cant read minds and know what other people want me to do. I'm not psychic. I don't want to be psychic.. I feel so stressed. Teachers expect something from me, friends expect something from me, parents expect something from me. It's too much altogether. So much I cant breathe. Sure, I may look like I am perfectly fine but no one has ever slowed down just for me. No one knows how it is like to be left behind at the end of the race. There may be silly thoughts halfway through. Something like depression comes and go in the mind. Nobody knows. Nobody stops. Everyone only expects and close their doors up on others. They never know who is crying so hard behind that closed door. That's life.

Insecurities

2012-01-15T01:59:00.002+08:00

What am I doing to you?
Sometimes I feel it is just the insecurities I have, the way I think too much. But I'm trying. Really trying to be nice to you, to be nice to everyone. To change and be a happier person. But each time, you raise your voice, you get unhappy, annoyed, I feel scared, insecure. I dont know what I can do for you. I dont want you to change. Just want you the way you are. But I dont know how. What can I do? I'm sorry.
Happy Birthday...

Hold On

2012-01-08T23:44:00.002+08:00

I'm suppose to find motivation again somewhere.
Feeling tired but I keep carrying on doing my work. Trying to start all over again, revise my work, work hard for this crucial year, heal all my broken relationships with people I know. Seems alot. A little worried whether or not I can do it. I should try to relax a little more too, not be so stressed. I guess that's the reason why I keep smiling and laughing. Must hang in there no matter how tired I am.
There's currrently a lizard up there staring while I am typing. A little threatening. Pfft, shall ignore it.

On Cloud Nine

2012-01-04T00:26:00.001+08:00

Am I Being A Little Too Hyper And Crazy Lately?

Wasted.

2011-12-19T00:13:00.003+08:00

I guess you've never known what is on my mind.
I dont know what's on yours either. For me, most of the time, it's blank. Yes, I admit. I may think of somethings at times. After awhile, it's just blank. A a mere smear of black ink pouring across my mind. Whenever you push me with your questions, just wanting an answer to why I was behaving that way, it kind of upsets me. I dont know what answer I should give you when I am alright. But of course, whenever I say I am alright, no one believes me. I should be a liar, stay a liar and just be a liar always. Since that is what everyone thinks. You'll tell me you wont push me anymore but I guess you just can do it. It's the same for other people as well I guess. So similar that I really give up talking to anyone already. I really lost all the energy to pick up a conversation with someone wholeheartedly. Back to being anti-social.
Everyone wants to read my blog, stalk me or whatsoever right?? Here you go. Give you guys back the blog.

Live Your Life

2011-12-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

I cant hurt you anymore.
Please go away. It's all because of my emotion problems again. I hate myself. I'm really sorry. Take it I hadnt exist all these while. Forget everything we did together. Forget who I am. Just remember I am someone who is cold. Someone you hadnt talked to. And leave. Leave and find yourself a happy life. A life where I hadnt entered. Live your life. I'm sorry. It hurts me just as much when I hurt you. I dont want you to leave at all but I have to. Please leave and be happy.

I Hate People...

2011-12-12T20:12:00.003+08:00

I HATE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know what people want from me. 我受够了.
I just want to be away from people. Cant stand being near them. Everything's just my fault. I cant handle it. When I'm alright people assume I'm not. I dont know what to do for them. How to make them believe. I give up..

Burdened

2011-12-12T19:09:00.003+08:00

Suddenly feel a weight as I realise I am only left with half a month. In fact, a week.
Wasted one and a half month of my holidays away. It should really be time to finish my homework and clear every doubts I have. And there's still christmas shopping to do. So many people to buy presents for.. About ten people. Omg. I'd go crazy. Adding on, there's still Sec 1 Orientation camp, trainer's camp. I'm as good as a goner.
Emotions running high and low again as usual. I dont know whether to be happy or not. I dot know what is wrong with me. Why cant I just have a simple live without any worries.. I like the rainy weather these days. Well, apart from the fact that there's soil and I cant exercise. It's nice and cold. So relaxing..

A New Start?

2011-12-07T01:00:00.002+08:00

雨过天晴了吗?
In my mind I just keep thinking it is the end. I dont know what to do. At least friends ba? Try? But how to not avoid? Try again? Hais. Really wish I could still tell you everything so carefreely like last time. But to think of it now, I dint really tell you everything too last time. I guess there's still this small part of me not known to anyone. Refuses to let anyone know. Wonder how far I will distance myself. Wonder how far apart we will grow. Must start getting used to it. Afterall, it's not like I've lost only a few friends this year. Immunisation ba. Sorry.

Speechless

2011-12-05T23:30:00.002+08:00

Loss of words to say.
It's just me again. Please dont apologize anymore. Actually it hurts so bad. Tears brimming at the back of my eyes but I cant cry. I'm heartless. I dont know what I should do. I dont know what I should say. Totally strangers who dont know anything at all. A great distance in between. That's just what all these are..

Suffocation

2011-12-04T03:02:00.002+08:00

3:03am.
Still feels so heavy hearted. So many things on my mind. Really feel like I am replying and talking to people just for the sake of replying them. Useless, meaningless. It's just me I guess, not cherishing the people around me, not using my time wisely? Even up till now I am meddling into others' life. I'm to blame. Just like releasing a pet from its leash, I want to run away. From this cruel reality. Dont know what I am feeling about others. Dont know how others I feeling. I think, I'm just too unaware, unconcerned. I wish I can go back to my primary school days. I was just a follower. A nobody back then. Even if I went missing, no one will notice it. But since then, I kept helping others, just to get someone to notice it. I guess, too many people now. Too many to pacify in one time. Acting all friendly and all with other people just as I knew that my heart has frozen. Feels so cold. Feels too suffocated by emotions andd thoughts. So many things.. I dont know what I should start with. Even with my gastric acting up, dont know what there is to do. Even after typing out this whole chunk, I dont really know what is the focus of this things. All the thoughts just randomly pop out, stealing a limelight in here. Gonna go insane soon.

Shattered

2011-12-01T02:13:00.001+08:00

Like being torn to pieces.

Motivation-Less

2011-11-30T22:58:00.002+08:00

Suddenly felt like I should type a really really long post since all my post are like so short.
Feels so sick of basketball now. Have been playing it for weeks without fail. Just plainly shooting the ball without bothering whether or not I am actually having fun or not. Probably just to please people when they asked me to play. All my shots become like crap. Aimed to cover the lies that I am having fun. I dont know. Dont feel the happiness. Even jogging doesnt seem to be helping me. I dont know what happened to me. Dont feel like talking a lot to people. Reply their messages just for the sake of replying. Talk to people just to be able to see the smiles on their faces. And then I walk away. Sometimes walking away seems so hard. Like so heavy hearted. Want to turn back and see if they are still there. But yet I just walk away and feel a slight pain in my chest. I realised my heart was weeping silently. All the people that walked past me, I start wondering how I looked like in their eyes. Having to plan 3 different outings that I feel so tired. Then I have to worry about my studies which I am not doing anything about. And then there is the swimming test. Something seems to be bugging me alot. But I dont know what it is. I just keep joking and fooling around with people when I feel like I'm stucked in a very dark and quiet place alone. So frightening, so lonely. I'm scared. I'm tired..

Cry Cry

2011-11-29T23:12:00.002+08:00

I dont know what's wrong with me...

Useless

2011-11-28T11:28:00.001+08:00

Keep having the feeling I'm doing something wrong.
I dont know what..
1 more month or holidays..
Have not realy done anything.
Useless..

Incomprehendable

2011-11-22T01:03:00.001+08:00

Cant really tell what people are thinking sometimes.

Escape

2011-11-17T23:49:00.001+08:00

You'll know that something's amiss when people starts running away..

The Faults On Me

2011-11-17T23:04:00.002+08:00

这个世界太假了
Don't want to create more unhappiness.

Frustrations

2011-11-17T18:49:00.001+08:00

Why do I feel so frustrated?
Why do I feel that something's changing?

I Need You

2011-11-15T18:25:00.002+08:00

Thankyou.
I really wish you're alright
Please do count on me still.
I need you

2011-11-14T02:39:00.000+08:00

I cant help but cry

):

2011-11-14T01:44:00.001+08:00

Feels so emotional..
Shouldnt be this emotional.

Looks Are Deceiving

2011-11-12T00:47:00.002+08:00

Crumbling down inside though I'm smiling

Similarities

2011-11-07T21:37:00.000+08:00

I guess it's just like you.

Fade Away.

2011-11-07T12:18:00.000+08:00

I guess you dont wanna talk anymore.
Let this all fade to dust..

Goodbye..

2011-11-07T00:06:00.002+08:00

I guess this is goodbye.
Just laying out feelings of lies on an empty table, portrayed for everyone to see

No Directions

2011-10-31T22:05:00.001+08:00

Dont really know what I want.

Change

2011-10-30T23:09:00.001+08:00

Must use this holiday to change.
Learn to relax and at the same time, study
Pick up on my weaknesses
Be more aware of the people around me.
Must change.

Dreams

2011-10-30T12:53:00.002+08:00

Had a string of weird dreams yesterday
Dreams or nightmares?

Lies.

2011-10-29T21:07:00.003+08:00

You kept me waiting like a fool.
All the lies you've said, I wont believe anymore

2011-10-27T06:01:00.001+08:00

GUMMY

2011-10-25T00:04:00.000+08:00

I NEED GUMMY!
DESPERATELY

Ignorant

2011-10-23T22:13:00.003+08:00

Being sick has probably made me go through the stage of thinking. It made me get out of the dull, dark dump I was in. Maybe I am a pain, annoyance. Always bringing all my sorrows on to another person, making them suffer with me. Maybe I've never really given anyone the happiness they ought to enjoy, the happinss they are suppose to have. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to see people upset because of me. Take all the sorrows, pain, tears, pack them up and leave. Bring them somewhere else. Somewhere far away where no one can see or hear. Let it flow with the waves and then maybe take me away with it.

Split Personalities

2011-10-20T05:53:00.003+08:00

Starting to think maybe I have split personalities.
Crying without fail everyday
What happened to me..?

Escaping

2011-10-18T19:51:00.001+08:00

Just take it that I'm running away from everything.
I cant take it.

2011-10-18T19:18:00.001+08:00

People tell me they've changed and that I should too.
But have they?
Everything they do and say hurts me
But they told me I'm jut assuming it's directed to me
I rather be alone
People lie, like I do
I dont want to believe anymore.

Hurt

2011-10-15T22:07:00.002+08:00

I cried myself to sleep last night.
Waking up every hour before I go back to sleep again
I dont like this place anymore

Uncomprehendable

2011-10-11T22:03:00.002+08:00

It's so difficult to understand people.
I guess, the same goes for me.
I give up.

Past

2011-10-09T22:47:00.002+08:00

Wondering what happened in the past
Wondering what I did in the past
The past scares me.

2011-10-09T13:58:00.001+08:00

Cant study~
Kill me Instead...

Lies

2011-10-04T21:15:00.001+08:00

It's due to the weather my nose is runny.
I tell myself it's alright.
But I'm crying

Cliffhangers.

2011-10-02T18:39:00.001+08:00

Just leave me hanging somewhere

2011-10-01T19:42:00.000+08:00

Cant get you off my mind

So Cold

2011-09-28T21:40:00.001+08:00

Cant tell the truth sometimes.

Overwhelming

2011-09-27T06:00:00.002+08:00

I guess when things gets too overwhelming, I avoid.
Instead of finding an alternative to solve it
Instead of helping someone.

Different Perspectives

2011-09-26T21:03:00.001+08:00

Try looking at the world through a different lens.
Maybe you'll find something out of the ordinary.

Avoidance

2011-09-25T12:14:00.001+08:00

I still prefer keeping quiet sometimes
Things eventually workout somehow.

Words

2011-09-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

Everyday, the words we share seems to get lesser and lesser
and lesser..

Weekend Blues

2011-09-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

Why am I feeling this way every weekend?

2011-09-20T23:09:00.002+08:00

I hope you're alright.

4 Real

2011-09-19T22:20:00.002+08:00

No motivation
Things people say seems to relate to me.
All I can do is smile
And be alright

Mystery

2011-09-17T16:11:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry.
For being a coward.
One that is too afraid to do what others forbid me to.

Probably no one knows what I'm thinking

):

2011-09-17T13:58:00.002+08:00

I hate this place..

Unnecessary Thoughts

2011-09-15T20:38:00.002+08:00

Thoughts flooding my mind..

Happy Birthday.. Dad

Over Rated

2011-09-13T22:34:00.001+08:00

So tired of everything
Results, people, myself
Stop stressing me please...

Shortcut

2011-09-11T11:00:00.004+08:00

Maybe it's right.

Because of how I am acting, people walk away.

I want to just walk out from people's life without them realising.

It's easier this way.

Basketball FTW

2011-09-05T00:28:00.001+08:00

Dont know what's going on in my mind

My mind isnt telling me what it's thinking

Had a great time falling, getting hit and all by the ball

What a way to destress.

I'm alright already.

I think

Dying Inside of Me

2011-09-04T03:35:00.002+08:00

I need to hide somewhere

And probably never come back again.

Sorry

2011-09-03T14:06:00.002+08:00

What's gonna happen without you?

I'm scared to even think about it.

I Miss You

2011-09-03T12:58:00.001+08:00

I'm not angry already

I wanna talk to you, but I dont know how

It's like living life without you

But I dont want it to happen.

I dont want.

Urgh...

2011-09-02T22:17:00.002+08:00

Hate this stupid freaking feeling.
Anger, hurt and sarcasm.
Why am I even feeling this way in the first time.
Shitface.

2011-08-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry
I lied.

2011-08-30T20:27:00.003+08:00

I'm just making life miserable for everyone.
太残忍了吧

Mischievous Ideas

2011-08-30T18:40:00.001+08:00

I dont want you to stay away
There's nothing else I can do
I've ran out of ideas

Being You

2011-08-30T14:28:00.000+08:00

Inseparable

2011-08-29T22:40:00.002+08:00

It's not that I dont want to talk to you
I dont wanna talk to anyone.
In fact, I miss you

Importance

2011-08-29T20:12:00.002+08:00

Dont compare your level of importance.
You werent there all the time
You were never there
The only time I see you is as good as never seeing you
Stop making life horrible

Sorry

2011-08-29T17:53:00.002+08:00

The more you dont reply, the more I feel uneasy
I feel like I'm in the wrong
I shouldnt have
I'm sorry

Ice box

2011-08-29T17:23:00.001+08:00

I feel so lost.
Would there be fun without you?
Should I or should I not take notice about other's emotions?

Masked

2011-08-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

Going insane being lame.
Is that the real me?

Assurance

2011-08-27T19:52:00.002+08:00

I just need a little assurance sometimes

Speechless

2011-08-27T04:39:00.001+08:00

I've never felt so strongly for someone
So strong that I'm afraid of life without you
So terrifying

300th Post

2011-08-21T11:39:00.003+08:00

Swimming inter-con in an hour
By mind is filled with things
I just keep wondering
I feel tension.

Forbidden Thoughts.

2011-08-21T02:14:00.003+08:00

I miss you.
Things I shouldnt say
Things I shouldnt be thinking about.
对不起

2011-08-20T23:54:00.001+08:00

Deciding to change the topic is only an excuse.

Redundant

2011-08-18T06:17:00.000+08:00

EXASPERATED!

2011-08-16T21:34:00.001+08:00

Gonna go crazy, insane, nuts
Complicated world.
If only I could flick people off like they are just dust.

Y

2011-08-16T18:14:00.006+08:00

Doing homework while waiting for time to pass and listening to this song.
So addicted to this song.
Can put it on replay the whole day.

Constricted.

2011-08-15T21:13:00.001+08:00

Feel so constricted inside
But somethings just aren't meant to be said.

Lost

2011-08-13T22:52:00.002+08:00

Why you bother doing so much for me?

Rest.

2011-08-11T23:50:00.001+08:00

There will be times you get too tired.
Just lie down.
Take a breath
Fall into deep slumber
Or simply take a rest.

Raine vs Raincloud.

2011-08-10T12:42:00.002+08:00

The point is
I'm only Raine.
Not Raincloud.

Found some really nice quotes yesterday

Put on a Brave Front.

2011-08-09T20:47:00.003+08:00

Haha.
That's all I can say when I feel like it's killing me
When it feels like I'm on the verge of breaking down.
Then I try not to cry and force the tears back in.
I saw 2 messages that went ' Loraine? '
One after another.

RAIN!

2011-08-09T17:07:00.003+08:00

Happy Hot Hot National day!
I hope it rains.
Too warm to concentrate on doing homework.

Sometimes people say things without considering how others feel
They claim they're sad.
What about the one hearing it?
It's not like they can erase whatever they've heard.

Next to You

2011-08-08T21:21:00.002+08:00

There's nothing to be afraid of.
Sometimes I feel lonely.
Sometimes I wish someone was around.
Other times, I choose to be alone.
To think.
And keep quiet.
Not telling anyone anything
Just shut my eyes, and shut the whole world together with it.

Dream BIG, BE Big.

2011-08-08T21:19:00.001+08:00

Think BIG.
Must concentrate and STUDY!

Mr Simple

2011-08-07T23:23:00.002+08:00

You want me to be myself.
I'll try.
Pretended for too long I really dont know what's the real me.
Started questioning myself the moment you tell me I could be myself.
What is 'me'?

Nonsensical Thoughts.

2011-08-04T21:18:00.002+08:00

Dont wanna force you into doing something you're uncomfortable with.
So quiet when around you.
Maybe just you being yourself
I remember telling you you could be yourself around me
Choose to not let it bother me for that reason.
Leaving without a word is probably you too.
Will that really happen one day?

Wish I could numb myself out with music
Stop thinking about nonsensical things

:D

2011-08-03T22:00:00.002+08:00

Just kind of like being around you
Dont mind even if I will hurt or not.
Doesnt matter.
Just need to assure myself that you'll open up to me.

Be Tough.

2011-08-02T20:00:00.001+08:00

Wonder what happened to you.
Must not give up.
Be tough.
I wanna help but I dont know how to.

:3

2011-07-31T13:55:00.002+08:00

太想你了

Why?

2011-07-31T03:33:00.002+08:00

But the first drop of tears fell from my right eye today.
Twice.
I was sure it was sadness.

Tears

2011-07-31T01:29:00.001+08:00

I wonder what you're thinking.
I'm not alright.